The Last Time
by HouseAddict33
Summary: He never expected this. They never even told him until the day before. Huddy/Wuddy. Rating changed to M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

House limps through the lobby. The thud-step rhythm of cane vs. tennis shoe a distant background noise in the busy setting. He glances around, looking something, looking for her. His eyes find her as she rounds the front desk, speaking in a hushed voice to the nurse occupying the chair. She ascends on him in her all-business-no-play stride. Her heels clacking crazily against the tiles of the floor. He looks away as she nears, not wanting anyone to see the emotion in his eyes. In a flash, it's gone and his dark, neutral eyes meet get grey ones.

"Welcome back...Mrs. Wilson" He manages to force out.

"You weren't there" she states as if he hadn't known already.

"I didn't want to be" House taps his cane roughly, distracting himself from the urge to tell her the truth. His truth as to why he didn't go to the ceremony.

"He's your best friend" She tries to extract emotion from him. Any emotion at all.

"He was, now he's yours" Looking around House realizes that it's time to fight or flight. Not willing to surrender what he kept hidden for so long, he adjusts his grip on his cane and prepares to step around her.

"You didn't want me" She states, placing her hand on his arm.

" You never asked." Shifting his eyes to the floor he moves past her, toward the elevators, toward salvation.

"House" He almost made it.

He pauses mid-stride, unwilling to face her.

"If I had asked...would you have.." She trails off, afraid of what he would say.

"It wouldn't have mattered" And it doesn't matter, not to him.

House limps through the lobby, the thud-step rhythm of cane vs. tennis shoe a distant background noise in the busy setting. The busy-ness not being able to blank out his pounding heart, or the clacking of heels as she rushes the other way. Away from him for the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know it's been a long time and this short chapter doesn't really make up for it but bear with me, I've had a lot going on and I'm just barely getting back into the swing of things. Hope you like it and reviews are definitely appreciated!

Opening the door to his apartment he notices a squeak that he never cared to notice before. Shrugging, he figures he'll fix it later. Later. Some things have a later, obviously later runs out eventually. The twinge he feels somewhere near his heart propels him through the threshold, disposing of his backpack and cane, he plops on the couch. Rubbing his leg he reaches for the TV remote with one hand and his trusty bottle of bourbon with the other. Taking a swill of the liquor, he flicks on the television before decided he wanted silence. Reclining his head, he scrubs a hand over his face and wonders where he was that he didn't notice how serious their relationship was getting. He thought it was a fling designed to scratch an itch, obviously forgetting that Alpha-bitch of PPTH Lisa Cuddy is too good for that and wonder boy oncologist is a serial husband.

He idly wonders if this is really it, the end of the dynamic duo of the hospital. He can't figure how power-plays and banter designed to escalate sexual tension can continue now that one party is married to the others' ex-friend. Ex-friend, shockingly, he wonders if that's really fair, he can't blame Wilson for hopping onto that train, only an idiot would pass it up. Morosely, he snorts to himself before taking another mouthful of bourbon, basking in the burn down his throat. He wonders how long it will last really, Cuddy tends to be a workaholic and Wilson with his roaming eye, it can't end well, that's for sure.

This mistake of a marriage makes him realize how empty he really is, how many mistakes he has made, how much hurt there was locked between him and Cuddy. Wondering if any of it should really matter now and doesn't see how it could. Not to her anyway. Flexing his hand into a fist over his thigh he thinks back to when they first met, and thinks if he knew then what he knew now, he definitely would have called her or wrote her. He's been making mistakes with her from day one and he never realized it until now. Will they ever get to a comfortable place again? Will he always feel this hollow after a long day of work. Not that he actually does any work, but running into either of them sure as hell feels like work. He narrowly missed a confrontation with Wilson this afternoon, the heel of his sneaker swinging around the corner as Wilson stepped off the elevator. He just wasn't ready for that and he wasn't sure he really ever would be.

A part of him hopes Wilson will screw it all up, one night with a nurse or even a patient. It would serve him right, after all. However, the other, much smaller part that gives a damn doesn't want **his **Cuddy to feel that kind of pain. Lisa Wilson…did she even take his name? Or was she stubborn and proud enough to keep her own. No matter, really. She was still Cuddy to him. She was Cuddy yesterday and she'll be Cuddy tomorrow. Tomorrow. How much did he wish tomorrow would never come?

Leaning forward to place the nearly empty bottle of booze on the coffee table, he starts slightly when his house phone starts ringing. Not bothering to get up, he shuffles through the mail he had dropped on the cushion next to him. His hands freeze when he hears the voice on the answering machine. Eyes closing as the voice pierces right through him.

"House, it's Wilson…obviously. Look, I know you're angry. You have every right to be, but we really need to talk, I…we really wanted you there, but I can understand why you weren't. Not that you'd ever admit to it, but I know there were some feeli-beeep" House smirks at the irony that the machine would cut Wilson off at that point, just as Wilson seemed to have cut him off at the pass.

Sliding down the couch he gingerly lays down, feeling battered and forgotten. No, he doesn't suppose tomorrow will be any better than today . He can only foolishly wish things would get better from here. Not wanting to think anymore about this right now, he slides his lids closed and settles in for some air guitar and a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey all, ready for more? I hope so. Thanks for the reviews! They made me smile like an idiot to myself and had my boyfriend making fun of me, but I loved it, so keep them coming. Special thanks to the person who pointed out my typo *Whoops* I fixed it, and don't be afraid to point out any that you spot. I'm still flying without a beta so all mistakes are mine. Oh, I don't own the show or any of the characters, just using them to tickle my giggle bone. Here's chapter 3, enjoy!

Across town in the Cuddy-Wilson household there is an awkward silence settled upon the sitting room where the two occupants are wondering what tomorrow will bring. Cuddy had relayed her run in with House this morning and thought that she sensed guilt in the eyes of her husband. Completely understandable, she suppose, and wonders why guilt seems to be one of the only feelings that they honestly share lately. It's not as if she belonged to House, she never had. It was like an unwritten rule among the general population of PPTH, Cuddy and House belonged to each other. She stares blankly at the television as the nightly news flickers across the screen, remember how it had all started. Innocent dinners between friends. A night out where nobody hid anything and banter that wasn't filled with steel barbs and cold words. It had been refreshing and light. Something that she could definitely handle. One dinner every few weeks turned into once a week and it was so much fun that she hadn't noticed how accustomed she was becoming to it. They had a lot in common too, which isn't something that anyone on the outside would really notice. She needed someone to be there, be compassionate and caring. James was selfless and funny and he had that twinkle in his brown eyes that made him irresistible sometimes. Like a big teddy bear but with a brain and good hands. **Really** good hands…

"..anything to drink?" Shaking her head, she realizes that she had been completely zoned out and turned her eyes to the man sitting next to her. "Sorry, what was that?" Wilson flashed her a gentle smile before repeating his question and rising at her nod. As he headed off to the kitchen she slumped her shoulders and wonders why she's not totally happy with how amazing of a man she has. She's not miserable, but she cant but feel like there's something missing. That spark, not just the sexual one, but the one where your heart pounds when you think about seeing that person later or catching a glimpse of House through the clinic. **Shit**, there she goes again. Now she said House but that's not what she meant, really. Shaking her head at herself she compares her relationship with House to that of her marriage to Wilson. She definitely knows Wilson a hell of a lot more than she knows House. After all, he isn't exactly the type to broadcast personal information like a town crier. The things that she does know about him, though, are enough to have kept her completely enthralled for the last twenty years. That must be something…right?

In the kitchen she hears the small beeping, like that of a touchtone keypad. She has a feeling she knows what that means. She's not naïve by any means, but at the moment, she settles for thinking he's still trying to get through to House. Not an easy thing to do by any stretch of the imagination. She briefly wonders why the thought of Wilson "secretly" texting a lover doesn't make her stomach drop and her throat burn, but pushes that thought away. Her thoughts aren't exactly loyal, now are they? Biting her lip, she has to wonder if Wilson thinks that she's an idiot. She knows he's a cheater, she knew it then and she knows it now. He had seemed to ecstatic about marrying her that she pushed the thought back every time it jumped forward. If only he knew who's hands and mouth and other various parts she thought about in the shower. His face would probably take on that red hue and the vein would start jumping. Quietly, she giggles a bit to herself as she hears incoming footsteps.

"Something funny?" His big eyebrow is quirked and he's waiting for her to accept the glass of wine from his hand. She accepts the drink, shaking off his question and refocusing her gaze back to the news. She assumes that he is wondering why she's barely spoken two words to him tonight, but she just doesn't have the energy for another conversation consisting of him asking her repeatedly if she regrets marrying him. If she wants to get an annulment. Yes annulment, not divorce. See, their romance had been the whirlwind kind, like one of those girly novels, except without all the graphic parts. Sure, they messed around a bit, but they had yet to take that final step. Every time she thought they were ready, House would pop into her thoughts. Did she mention that he was selfish? Can't even let her get laid without harassing her. Her frustrated mind takes a moment to nurture that thought. She had definitely thought about sex with House before and it always had an exciting ending. She wonders if the two men, who were almost polar opposites in everything else, would be polar opposites in that department. Wilson was all tender touches and tickling fingers with light kisses and soft sighs. At this point, she was sure that making love with Wilson wouldn't be that much different than making love to a cuddly animal. Oh, so wrong, but that's besides the point.

With House…her mind chuckles evilly for a second before continuing. She knows for a fact that with him it's harsh breathing and shattering orgasms. Biting and sucking, palming flesh and sharp thrusts. Abrasive and caustic, just like him. **SO** like him but oh so good. The only thing about sleeping with House that was a surprise was his almost desperate need for eye contact and how on that one night so long ago he had refused to take her from behind, stating that he couldn't see her face that way. He had **needed** to see her face. Her body involuntarily shivers as she remembers how delicious that statement made her feel and she knows she'll be heading for the shower soon…

She wonders if and when her and Wilson will make that step. She also wonders if something mean and cruel that spits from House's mouth will be the cause. Rising from the couch she speaks quietly. "I'm going to shower and get ready for bed." Making her way into the kitchen she hears him reply that he'll join her in bed after the news. She doubts he'll actually be watching it, but with what she's about to be doing, she finds it hard to fault him for it. Rinsing out her glass at the sink, she glances out the window and wonders what tomorrow will be like. Any better than today is a lot to ask for, but she hopes that this feelings that refuses to go away will be a little easier to deal with. She's doubtful though, it's not easy being in love with your husband's best friend.

A/N: Sooo, how did I do? Let me know what you think! I'm pretty sure this story will be changed to M sometime in the future, but it depends on what the readers want and how brave I am. Please leave a review and thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey all, I'm back with a new chapter. The traffic is amazing but the reviews are sparse. I do thank all that have reviewed and they are very much appreciated. Quick note to the reviewer who said the marriage is pathetic, as the story unfolds you'll see that it's kind of the point. It's a Huddy story. Can't have Huddy if there's a perfect marriage in the way. Anyhow, keep the reviews coming! I'm a new writer so they really do help. Enjoy!

Wilson wasn't really sure what to think of it all. He felt happy one moment and lacking the next. It wasn't that their relationship was lacking, more that the feelings that he was supposed to be feeling as a newlywed were lacking. He was sure that he loved Lisa. Really, he did. Sometimes it just felt like he had mixed loving with actually being _**in**_ love. Easy mistake to make, surely. He can't have been the only person ever to feel this way. They were connected and bound by law, but still separate as far as people go. There was no amazing partnership or sense of belonging. He remembered when they first starting seeing each other and how Cuddy had refused to call it for what it was: a relationship. She called it casual and wanted to keep it "light and easy" whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. Wilson wasn't a man who practiced casual relationships very often. He believed in serious relationships and all the nuances that came with them. When she had finally acknowledged that they were, if fact, in a relationship, he had been elated. Pride had beamed from his face because this amazing and beautiful woman considered herself _**his**_. One thing he knew for sure was that given the type of jobs they both had, there wouldn't be a lot of time to step on each other toes or grate on one another's nerves. Which was good, he supposed. This also meant, however, that there wouldn't be a lot of time for just them. Not that she would allow it if they were both jobless either, she was one of the most independent women he knew. She wouldn't stand for someone being attached to her hip all the time. He figured that was the key to making this marriage work, she wasn't like any of his ex-wives. She had her own life and standards. Cuddy enjoyed her alone time and wasn't about to let anyone impede on it. In the long run it was fine by him, it gave him time to do all his man stuff. Like watch the game or play poker. Those things were a lot better when he didn't have an appendage bugging him to spend quality time with her the whole time. While on the outside it may seem like it was a strange coupling, they actually had quite a bit in common and got along very well. Still, he wasn't sure if that was just a really strong friendship or if they really did harbor those sort of feelings for each other. He had known that she had a thing for House, she always had. He just liked to think that it ended when they got married. He spent his days working and pretending she was over him, oh and trying to get House to talk to him. Very tiring, to say the least. He was not a quitter though, and until she said directly that it wasn't working and she needed something else, he was here to make it work.

Sitting at his desk in his office doing paperwork, he absently thought about how much he missed House throwing his door open and initiating snark and sarcasm to cover up something that was really bothering him. He wondered if this was how it was going to be from now on, or if House was just throwing his patent juvenile tantrum before coming to a peace treaty of sorts. House seemed to be the center of his and Lisa's relationship. Other than the initial talk about how their getting married would effect him, they hadn't really talked about it. It was just that unspoken thing that each knew was on the other's mind constantly. Even when House wasn't speaking to either of them, he was the center of attention. Placing the stack of completed paperwork into his outbox, Wilson let out at heavy sigh at the sight of the mound still sitting in his inbox. It seemed that while annoying, his daily interruptions from the diagnostician were a welcome break. Stretching his back he reached for another stack, wondering if it magically multiplied while he wasn't looking.

On the other side of the wall, House sat reclined with both feet on his desk, crossed at the ankles, tossing his tennis balls back and forth. His ipod was blaring into his ears and the lights dimmed. He hadn't slept well the night before and he was definitely feeling it now. He pondered the fact that while there was a measly wall between himself and Wilson, they were world apart. The rock that had been in his stomach for a week now had showed any signs of dissolving yet and he was throwing back antacids with ever dose of Vicodin. He wished that he could just forget about them, like they never existed but it just wasn't possible when she was his boss and he was his best friend. House had yet to run into Wilson and he thought that maybe Wilson was hiding out in his office for that very purpose. On one hand he wanted to get it over with, but on the other he was content to let it never happen.

He had caught a glimpse of Cuddy this morning and she was as gorgeous as ever. Full administrator getup and heels. He had wondered what it might be like to lay in bed and watch while she transformed herself from pajamas and mused hair to the fire breathing dean who strutted down the halls of PPTH all day. Know all the secrets of what lay beneath those power suits. With a queasy stomach, he was reminded that Wilson now had that privilege and knew all the secrets that they had boyishly wondered about all these years. Yanking the headphones out of his ears, he eased his feet to the floor and stood. He needed to escape. The only problem was that it was nearly impossible to escape from yourself. All he knew was that he couldn't sit there dwelling on it all day. Grabbing his cane, he made his way out of the office and towards the stairs. He needed some fresh air and he needed it fast.

After battling his way up the stairs, House pushed the door to the roof open and stepped out onto the gravel covered rooftop. Taking a deep breath, he headed over to the ledge, peering out into the distance. Pulling the orange pill bottle out of his pocket, he flipped the lid and promptly dry-swallowed two of the white capsules before shoving the container back into his jeans. Hooking his cane onto the ledge, he braced both of his hands on the ledge before dropping his dead forward. After staring at his shoes for a moment, he's startled by the door opening and someone else stepping onto the gravel. Before he even has a chance to turn around he smells her. Closing his eyes, he decides to ignore her. Maybe, if he doesn't say anything, she wont be able to see him.

"House?" Or not. Shoulder slumping, he turns around and looks at her.

"Nope, just a look a like, now leave me alone" He can't help the cold edge that leaks into his words. Even though she was never really his, she should have known better. Wilson should have known better.

"You can't be mad forever, House. He's your friend and I'm your boss. There will be times when we need to speak to each other directly and you can't turn tail and run every time that it happens." She had crossed her arms over her chest now, and while she's trying to be aggressive and firm, he can see that she's nervous by the way she swallows compulsively.

"Really? Well, you would know all about that, wouldn't you? Can't land what you really want so you settle for the next best time. How's that working out for you? Seems fine, right? Let's see" He begins walking towards the door, his intent to get the hell out of here before she has the chance to reply, but she's faster and closer to the door than he is and blocks it with her small frame."

"It wasn't me who ran from us, House! That was you, every time we were even remotely close to taking a step passed this never-ending mind-fuck of a relationship we have, you ran like a scared little boy. I got tired of it, okay? I wanted someone who would care! And show that they cared!" Her eyes are getting shiny and he knows that she is not far from crying, which is odd considering that she's the one yelling at him and not the other way around. Lowering her voice, she continues while looking past him. "Even now, after hearing, you still couldn't make a move. Even knowing that I feel the same way doesn't make you brave enough. Nothing ever will, House. I can't wait forever."

Swallowing the lump that has formed in his throat, he catches her eye again before replying " Now, it has nothing to do with bravery or balls, Cuddy. You belong to Wilson and unlike him, I'm not going to do something that I have no business doing, no matter who feels what." Finally limping past her, he says loudly "Have a nice marriage, Cuddy, but don't come complaining to me when he repeats the same cycle with you that all the other ex-Mrs. Wilson's experienced."

As the door slammed behind him, Cuddy raised her face to the sky and blew out the breath that she had been holding. It was good to get that off her chest but now she felt a sort of helpless feeling. The kind that you get after you make a mistake, but trying to backtrack could be pointless and make you lose even more than you had in the first place.

The feelings that she had for House were deep and violent. She wished with everything she had that they would just go away, but they never did. It was as if a seed had been planted deep within her when they first met. A relationship with House would be heartbreaking at times an incredibly volatile, but it would be something that she had tried in vain to find for as long as she could remember. When the time came, she would have to make a choice. Just like she had many times before. One road would hurt someone that she cared about deeply but have the possibility to make others happy and the other would hurt someone that she loved and possibly not work out anyway. She knew that if she kept going like she was now, she would eventually lose herself and become this empty person who sold their soul to make others happy. Okay, maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but she still wasn't sure if she was strong enough to lie to herself for the rest of her life. Nobody was _**that**_ strong..right?

Walking back to her empty office, she noticed that the hallways were empty. The only sound was her heels clicking and clacking against the tiled passageway. Ironic how the outward emptiness seemed to be mirrored within. She wondered if she would ever get to a place in her life where she was truly happy with every aspect. If she could find a balance between work and play, and not have to settle for either. But, she supposed, that was probably everybody's goal in life at some point.

A/N: hey guys, hope you enjoyed..please let me know because I feel like I'm floundering…

Anyway, thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N : Here's the next chapter, sorry it took so long but I sort of got wrapped up in my other story. Anyway, I'll try to update sooner next time. Hope you enjoy it and don't forget to leave a review!**

**Disclaimer: House M.D and all of it's characters belong to David Shore, I'm just using them as my play things.**

Over the next few days, James had been completely consumed by a case. Five year old girl with terminal brain cancer. She didn't have much time left and he felt it his duty to stick by her around the clock. In any other situation, Cuddy would have been missing her husband but she needed time to think. Thinking was a lot easier to do when you went home to nobody and answered to nobody.

The age old war between her heart and brain was at it again but this time, she had two people to consider instead of just one. Her marriage to James wasn't perfect by any means and due to the fact that it was brand new, there weren't a lot of pros and cons to consider.

Being a mature woman in her early forties, she was well aware that it took more than love to make a marriage work. Furthermore, in the social stance that she was in, what looked fantastic on paper seemed to have more weight than what people actually felt.

Despite his past marriages, James was a good and noble man with a great career. It was perfect in the eye of the people and she wasn't sure if she could give that up just because she was in love with an idiot.

Cuddy felt that over time, the loving feeling that she had for him would grow into at least a fraction of what she felt for a certain blue-eyed lech. The only problem was that House had a twenty-something year head start and at the moment, James didn't seem too interested in competing.

He shouldn't have to, she thought, taking vows with him meant that he had one, right? Game over?

It had now been forty-eight hours that she's been thinking this thoughts. They were constantly running through her mind, as if on some sort of loop. Every time she thought that she had come to a solid decision, her pesky heart would jump in with an 'oh no she didn't.'

Her career had always come first. Always. Everything else took a backseat to her drive and ambition. First female and second-youngest Dean of Medicine, and now she had a marriage to check off of that list. That was the problem though. Her marriage felt more like a smart career move instead of a personal feat.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it. Her brain had never let her down before. Her heart on the other hand..

So, her marriage was to be taken seriously. Lisa Cuddy was not about to give up until every option was explored. Her heart spat on her thoughts as it brought tears to her eyes for House.

She could play stupid all she wanted. And she had..for years.

Everybody knew that House had harbored feelings for her and most knew that he still did. Just because he couldn't deal with them doesn't mean that they were there. Year after year she lied to herself and to others, pretending that such feelings didn't exist and that it was preposterous to even consider the notion.

If she had just reached out to him one more time, a serious attempt. Maybe even a suggestion of become better friends to start. But she hadn't, she had just let it all go…just like that. Got caught up in what she thought was a second chance that was actually just a replacement and blocker for the first.

One thing that she knew for sure was that they needed to get House speaking to them. Wilson would be miserable without him and Cuddy wouldn't fair much better. They **needed** him, as much as they hated it.

Naïvely, she thought that with enough had work, they could get to that place where they would be three best friends, a close knit group. If only.

House threw back the last of his bourbon as he wallowed in misery. In his drunken state, she was all he could think about. He needed to either come clean with her or get the hell out.

This limbo of what-ifs was driving him crazy. He needed to know if there was any chance for them. The only problem was that he wasn't sure if he had the balls. Filling his glass again, his eyes sparkled as they came across the tumbler that Wilson had given him. He couldn't remember the exact circumstances in which the gift had been given, but he knew that there was one or another stupid meaning to it.

He was at a loss. A complete and utter loss. He had no idea where to go from here. Did he talk to Wilson? Try to convince him that Cuddy wasn't right for him. It's not like Wilson would listen to him, he would just assume House wanted Cuddy for himself. Which he did, but dammit, Wilson of all people should have known how he felt about her. The oncologist was the one always trying to push his stubborn ass into making a move. He should have listened.

Fifteen minutes and four glasses of bourbon later, He made a decision.

After stumbling and rising from the couch, he grabbed his house keys and jacket. Heading out the door, he called a taxi and tried to quell the nausea from what he was about to do.

Just because he wasn't speaking to them, doesn't mean he knows nothing of what's going on. A little birdie told him that Wilson was currently running death watch at the hospital. Perfect.

After rattling the address off to the cabbie, House lay his head back and closed his eyes. He couldn't remember ever being this nervous before. His hands were sweating and his heart pounding but he needed to know. There was no avoiding it anymore.

The ride over was uneventful, except for the annoying gibberish from the cabbie and his below par driving skills. If anyone had asked him, House would have complained that it was the longest 12 minutes of his life.

Finally, the car rolled to a stop in front of a familiar family home, where through the sheets of rain, he could see lights on through the windows. Opening the car door, he unfolded his lanky form from the tin box and threw the fare in the front window.

Tripping over the curb, he slowly made his way up the walk. He was getting soaked from the rain but he was so nervous that he couldn't feel it.

As he started up the few steps that would lead him to the porch, he suddenly had to fight the urge to vomit. Whether it was from the booze or nerves he wasn't sure, but either way, bile was rising and he needed to settle the hell down.

Pausing at the door, he took several deep breaths and ran his hand through his hair. He must have looked like a mess and he was sure whatever came out of his mouth would make him sound like a heel.

Instead of his usual cane pounding, he knocked on the door like a normal person and then held his breath as the hallway light flickered and came to life.

'_Too late to back out now, dude. You obviously should have put more thought into this."_

As her silhouette became visible through the glass-paned door, he realized that if he had thought it through any more, he wouldn't have been man enough to do it. It's not as if the facts were on his side and he was risking making a complete idiot of himself.

The unlocking and opening of the door seemed to take forever and House smirked at the thought that if Wilson did find out about this little stunt, he wouldn't have to worry about the oncologist trying to patch things up anymore.

With a cynical smirk on his lips offered Cuddy a lame greeting. "Hi."

He could see that she was stunned for a second before she regained her composure.

"Uhh…Hi" Her hand was holding the doorknob in a death grip and he absently noticed how beautiful she looked. Her eyes were bright and her robe revealing and…

Shaking his head, House focused on his mission.

"I need to talk to you" he spoke, trying like hell not to slur his words.

She opened the door and silently let him inside. After turning to face him, she closed her robe tighter and implored him to speak with her eyes.

"Look…I screwed up all those times when I knew you wanted us. I should have stepped up and admitted what I felt for you. What I feel for you. I didn't and I'm idiot and I'm sorely regretting it now and I feel sick thinking about you and Wilson together and I know I have no right to come storming in here and say all of this but it won't go away. It's getting harder to deal with and I don't know how to move past it. I don't want to move past it if I'm being totally honest. I don't know how it happened but I'm in love with you..deeply and foolishly in love with you, Cuddy. I don't want you to be married to my best friend, I want you to be with me…and I-"

"House!" She was staring at him with her mouth open and he finally looked up from the floor.

"What?" His fingers were twitching and his feet aching to run away, just tell her to forget it and get the hell out of here before he went crazy.

"You're rambling and you're drunk" She slowly shook her head and he knew what was coming next.

"I'm not that drunk. I know what I'm saying." He stared into her eyes, willing her to believe him.

"You don't. You need to go home, sleep this off and then you'll realize the mistake you're making."

He stepped closer to her and wrapped his fingers around her wrist.

"It's not a mistake, Cuddy. I'm serious! If you want me to leave, then I will but I'll come back tomorrow, sober, and tell you the same thing. Please, at least think about what I've said. I meant every word, I love you, I want you. And I know that you feel the same, no matter how deep you have it buried."

Numbly, she nodded as he stepped past her.

Before he stepped out onto the porch, he quickly wrapped his arms around her from behind and pressed a firm kiss to the side of her head.

"I'm not jerking you around." Was his departing whisper before the door closed behind him.

Minutes later, Cuddy was standing in the same spot. She couldn't believe what the hell had just happened.

"Damn that man." But she couldn't hide the smile playing at the corner of her lips.

Yes, damn that man, indeed.

Hours later, as she was jostled awake by James slipping into bed, she wondered if she could really do this. If she could keep playing this game. Staying with a man that she didn't love and destroying the one that she did. She wondered if it would get any easier, as time went by.

And once again, she cursed House for making her think about it, just when she thought that she had it all figured out.

Lisa Cuddy was a strong woman, but she could only resist so much, she could only hurt so much before the inevitable happened.

Tears flowed silently into her pillow as this time, she cursed herself for getting into this situation in the first place. If she had just held out for a little longer..or maybe not kept her relationship a secret from House. Maybe he would have spilled his guys before her and James locked themselves together. What the hell did people do when this happened? Was there even anything to do? Damn that man.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Please review, maybe with ideas coz mine are drying up a bit. Anyway, if you want me to continue, let me know!

**-HA33**


End file.
